It almost always starts the same way. You meet someone, and there’s a spark sometimes for both of you, sometimes just for one person. You start chatting frequently (often daily), calling each other, and before you know it, you’re deeply enjoying the conversations. You feel an intense connection, almost as if you’re dating, but without actually defining the relationship. You might even start imagining marriage with this person, yet nothing is official. Then one day, you find yourself wondering: How did I end up here? Who are we?
In many cases, one person suddenly ghosts the other for no apparent reason. The woman or the man is left in confusion and hurt, experiences what feels like a mini-divorce—except there was no commitment to begin with. And yet, it still stings. If you’ve found yourself in one or more of these so-called situationships, you may wonder why this keeps happening.
In this article, I’ll explore biblical principles that can help guard your heart, as God calls all of us to do:
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23)
What Is a Situationship?
A situationship is a romantic or emotional relationship that is undefined and non-committal. People in it are more than friends but less than committed partners, with unclear boundaries and expectations. Essentially, it is a relationship without a clear label or commitment.
Two major characteristics of a situationship are lack of definition and lack of commitment, both of which are unbiblical. So how do we avoid ending up in situationships? Here are three key guidelines to consider:
1. Define the Relationship
A lack of definition in a relationship often leads to confusion and emotional pain.
That’s why it’s important to establish what kind of relationship you have early on in your interactions.
This is especially crucial. It’s easy to get excited about a potential relationship, especially if marriage is on your mind. However, it’s important to approach things with wisdom. One fundamental biblical truth is that any believer you meet is, first and foremost, your brother or sister in Christ. Paul exhorts Timothy on how to relate to others in the church (1 Timothy 5:1-2)
This principle calls us to treat one another with honour, respect, and purity, ensuring that our interactions are intentional and God-honouring.
When this foundation is in place, it becomes easier to define conversations and clarify where they are leading. Men should take the lead in these conversations, as Scripture calls them to be spiritual leaders (Ephesians 5:23). However, there may be times when a woman needs to ask for clarity if things seem unclear or are drifting toward a situationship.
Defining the relationship could mean stating that it’s just a friendship with no romantic intentions or acknowledging that it’s a friendship with dating potential. The key is to make sure both parties are on the same page to prevent unnecessary emotional attachment. The desire for marriage for either of you or both of you is good and should have godly stewardship.
Additionally, seeking God’s wisdom through prayer is crucial before entering any relationship:
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5)
2. Consider What Commitment Looks Like
When people begin dating, they are essentially committing to prayerfully exploring marriage. This means they become exclusive and intentionally get to know each other with God’s guidance to determine whether they are suited for marriage.
In a situationship, however, there is no commitment, yet people still act as though they are dating, leading to emotional entanglement that can be painful to untangle. The Bible calls us to love one another sincerely and honourably, Romans 12: 9-10.
True biblical commitment involves making a conscious decision about whether you want to get to know someone better with the intention of dating.
If you realise that the relationship is not going anywhere, communicating that clearly is an act of love and honour (Ephesians 4:15). Keeping someone emotionally engaged without commitment is unfair and unkind.
3. Set Boundaries
If you’ve ever been in a situationship, you know how painful it can be when reality sets in that you were in a relationship that was leading nowhere. The good news is that boundaries can help prevent this.
As someone who has experienced situationships, I’ve learned that setting boundaries is essential.
Emotional intimacy should not outpace commitment.
A rule of thumb is to treat them as you would any other brother or sister in Christ until there is a clear definition and communication of commitment.
Some practical boundaries include:
1. Be mindful of how much time you spend together.
2. Avoid excessive emotional intimacy before commitment.
3. Keep communication within healthy limits appropriate for every stage.
4. Be intentional about your conversations; don’t create emotional bonds that lack a foundation in commitment.
5. Invite accountability from people who know and love you well.
Setting boundaries is a way to guard both your heart and the heart of the other person. It’s also a demonstration of self-control, which is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23),(Proverbs 25:28)
As believers in Christ, we are called to honour and love one another in the way we interact. We won’t always get it right, and there may be times when we slip into emotional connections that aren’t healthy. However, these biblical guidelines can serve as tools to help us navigate relationships wisely.
If you find yourself in the early stages of getting to know someone or on the edge of a situationship, I encourage you to: pray for wisdom before getting emotionally involved; seek godly counsel from mature believers (Proverbs 11:14); define the relationship clearly to avoid unnecessary heartache; and set boundaries to protect both your heart and the other person’s.
May we all pursue love that is pure, intentional, and God-honouring.
